To be chosen by a horse . . .

Would that not be special? Especially for a young girl who has believed lies about her self worth. Skunk has chosen my daughter, complete with going to her when she calls, following her across the corral, and nuzzling her leg and side when being brushed. The equine therapist says Skunk is an aloof horse, sometimes bossy, not real social. Skunk chose a girl who has been aloof, not real social, and in need of a friend. A horse is honest. They don't put on airs, or pretend to like a person.

Well, Skunk is going to be a mom soon. She's due this month and is "heavy with child"! I asked Carole (the horse woman and clinical director), if Ashley can be present when Skunk gives birth. Carole said the mares usually like to have their babies when no one is around. She might go out in the morning and find a new foal. So what she told me is that if she finds Skunk having already delivered, she will make sure Ashley is the first girl out there to pet the babe and enjoy the moment. Isn't that cool?

We so long for the approval of people. But isn't it worth gold to have the approval of an honest animal, who sees not our shortcomings, our big nose or thick waist? They see inside, as God does.

Dare I say that word? OBEDIENCE

If you are like me, the word obedience does not have a joyful ring to it. How often is the word used in a sentence that brings something pleasant to mind? But,if I think Biblically, or rather believe the Bible, it is something that is to result in being blessed.

I've had a taste of that blessing on occasion... usually when I am walking in submission to the Lord in some area of my life - I mean a specific area. Example? In the last 4 months I have made a choice to abstain from some things in my life that had way too much control over me. Actually, this was more involved than a mere choice - it has required support from other people, literature to read, steps to take. Here it is: I joined a 12-step program. (No, I'm not an alcoholic). I have chosen abstaining from trigger foods that have become an addiction to me. The blessing? I am walking on air. There is hope in heart for walking free from the bondage of those trigger foods. It makes me feel better about myself. I'm actually losing weight (which is a nice by-product of breaking the addiction). So this is a positive - by obeying God's directive to not let anything have control over me.

There has been another way I've seen the blessing of obedience and the lesson came to me through a non-human being. The non-human? My dog, Kippie. I tell you, having a dog has done wonders for me. Here's the latest. I so want Kip to be able to go outside with us when we work in the yard, or swing on the swing. But we have no fence. Putting her on a leash is okay, but she really can't follow us around and sniff at new things. It's just a drag for her to be chained up (maybe like I've been with food?) Here's what has struck me. I, her owner, deeply desire to bless her with freedom to run around. But I can't do that as long as she won't mind me, coming when I call. She is getting better. Saturday she was out in the yard with us for a good 45 minutes. But then she started wandering off too far and not coming when I would call - so back in the house she went. She lost her freedom.

Don't you think that's how God looks at us? If we will just stay within the boundaries He has set for us, we will experience all kinds of wonderful freedoms we don't realize are waiting for us.

Obedience really is meant to be a blessing. It's when I ignore it that it looks like a chain. The chain is around me when I don't obey. I deceptively think the chain is waiting for me when I obey. That's not true! Obedience gives me wings.

Dear Blog of Mine

Dear Blog,

I've ignored you, haven't I? Facebook has captured my heart for the last year and you are unfortunately on the losing end.

Here are some of my current feelings:

Grateful, ecstatic, excited, hopeful: Daughter Ashley was flown to Virgin, Utah on December 8, 2009. We had reached a crisis moment with her. After several years of family upheaval, praying, searching, hoping for something to help us all, it seems our prayers have been answered through a good lawyer, educational consultant, and Falcon Ridge Ranch. Thank You Jesus. She is doing phenomenal. It seems I have my little girl back, plus a few years.

Jeff and I visit her next week. All of us are very excited. She wants to hug us, go out to eat with us, shop with us, visit an animal sanctuary with us, go hiking with us, share a song publicly for us, share a scrapbook she made for us. Can you tell my heart is full?

Proud and grateful: Son Colin has a good counselor who is helping him say goodbye to a girlfriend who has been bad news. Counselor says he knows a girl who might be a good fit for him. That's all he needed to say goodbye to the old one. He is making steps to truly cut things off with her - yet he has broken up with her at least 50 times. It seems different this time. He is not answering her calls or texts, except briefly to say it's over. He knows she may show up at certain times of the day so plans to be away from home (hey, whatever it takes!). So I'm proud of him finding the strength (with good support) to do this.

I've had fun lately trying to gather 6 or so antique plates, all different, to use when guests come for supper. I naively began my search thinking I should easily be able to find lone plates for around $3-$5. There are SOME at that price, but most are around $20. So I've taken up a challenge, to find bargains. Call me cheap - but this is more enjoyable than shelling out boo-coo bucks at every store I enter.

I'm also searching for antique cups and saucers (also having begun my search in the realm of naivety). They are usually $15-$20 each. My goal is again a mere pittance. Want to join me in my quest?

Random thoughts this morning:

My niece, Carrie, had a little boy this morning! Hurray!

It's muddy, brown, overcast but in the 40's today - so yay! I'll take it.

There's an estate sale down the street today - think I'll go check out if they have any antique plates or cups and saucers!

Book group is coming up and we're doing another fascinating book: Epicenter, by Joel Rosenberg.

All for now, Bloggie-dear. Until next time. . .

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall . . .

Should I write something meaningful, or write what's on my heart? Meaningful loses.

The topic of choice today is change. Sister Jacquie posted a picture of herself, Patsy and I taken a few weeks back. It did NOT make my day. Think of a pale, albino tomato with big red lips, faded eyes, and a human body that has been neglected over the last few months(years). That is what I saw in the photo - and the tomato was NOT named Jacquie or Patsy! Although I can't get rid of the picture on other fb profile pages, it was removed from mine within a matter of minutes! Need I explain? I've changed. Gone is the thin, long-haired, young girl that used to live in my mirror. She slowly left with each bite of brownie, each day of sitting instead of moving, and with each new sunrise and sunset. If you younger women are like I used to be, you probably think you won't ever get to this point. Warning! It can happen easier than you think.

This week, when Patrick's girlfriend was visiting, I found myself wanting to show her pictures of a skinny, younger me. And I did. But I wasn't so "transparent" as to tell her WHY I was showing her the photos. She thinks I wanted her to see baby pictures of Pat. "Isn't Patrick cute?!" Translation: "see how exquisite I was?!!" barf.

I think the aging face in the mirror is God's way of preparing us for eternity. We see ourselves getting older, weaker, wrinklier and know our days are numbered. Aging also has a way of humbling those of us who are too concerned with our appearance and it causes one to ponder what makes a person valuable. The inside or the outside?

Am I learning this lesson? Hmmm, I think I'm just beginning. To be fair to God, He has not made me fat. I did that. But the wrinkles and faded eyes are a message from Him - "your body will only last so long."

So as I look in my mirror tomorrow, I need to remember there are two messages for me. One is from the Lord: you are mortal. The other is from my body: respect me.

The End.

Meditative Ramblings

Sitting here on a Monday morning, noting the date: July 20, 2009, I'm struck by my relationship to time, my feelings about time. Each flip of the calendar can be a moment of wonder - about the future. What is in store for me this year, this decade?

Time is lived, is passed, is gone, is remembered, is part of who I am. Never can a moment be repeated, or done over, or changed.

Will there be time in eternity? Time is marked by change, so how will this be handled? You are full of mystery and wonder; it will be a wonderful thing to experience.

Jesus, You have given me a time. It is for a certain length. You picked when I would be born and when I will mortally die. "My times are in Your hand." Thank you for the time You have given me. Some people's lives are much shorter than mine has been. Why have You gifted me with almost 56 years of time, while my friend, Cathy, was given 49? What is Your will and plan for all the minutes You are giving me? Help me to use the time for good.

Time can be wasted, endured, resented, ignored, spent, forgotten, unappreciated. And time can be cherished, valued, filled with good things, enjoyed, appreciated, planned for, learned from.

You are bigger than time. You say You are the Alpha and the Omega: the Beginning and the End. All that is, is sandwiched inside of You. Nothing can exist before You or after You. Yet You had no beginning and no end. This is so awe-full, so marvelous, amazing, incomprehensible, beyond human reasoning or understanding.

My God, there is none like You.

The Ultimate Insult

Family doctors can be wonderful things. We have a pretty good one. He is personable, caring, and attentive. I've always liked him. But I have a gripe with him of late. What's my gripe? His outlook on my present status. You see, I went in for my regular check up and he started asking questions about woman things - of the monthly sort. Well, it's interesting you should ask that, I says. Things are slowing down a bit. I don't mind a bit, you know? (This is a good thing in my mind.) But then his response: "Your body is shutting down" My body is shutting down? My body . . . my body . . . is . . . what? shutting down? How can you say that to me? What medical school did you attend anyway? I always thought so highly of you, but now . . . well . . . I'm not so sure. My body is shutting down. Is it possible to re-boot? And while you're at it, could someone fix the thermostat in here? Who on earth keeps turning up the heat everywhere I go?

Is it smart to take your older sister's advice?

Sister Jacquie sent an email recently about keeping your car's remote controls near you as you sleep, in case you hear suspicious sounds outside. You can push 'alarm' and the "criminal" will run. I read her email, thought that's probably helpful for people in the inner city - and then forgot it. Until . . .

. . . last night. I couldn't sleep (complications of menopause) at 3 am so I went downstairs to read. While sitting there I heard a noise that sounded like my car (you know, it's kind of like how you can recognize your child's voice from other children). Hmmm. I got my remote key controls and looked out the front window from my darkened room. My car and another car were parked along the street and there was a man out there! Apparently he was checking all the cars to see if they were locked. He had found mine locked and moved on to the next car, I conjectured. I'll show him! I pushed the alarm (in the dark). Nothing happened. Again. Darn, wrong button. I found it. BEEP BEEP BEEP! Ha ha, I'll scare him off! Just then he opened the door of the second car, got in (!) and drove away in a hurry. oh . . . ha . . . nervous laugh . . . it was his car.

Oh well. He'll just think it was a quirk (am I a quirk?).

I went back to reading. This is NOT the end of the story. Remember how I had trouble finding the alarm button in the dark? I actually did push a button. When I raised the shades in my bedroom this morning and looked out at my car, much to my surprise I saw the trunk lid open. Yes, it had been opened by me and had been open all morning. What's worse, it rained ALL last night. So much for helpful emails from older and wiser sisters!

Being Blogless

I have nothing to write. I thought I better get on here and try to come up with something before I forget how to blog. It's sort of ironic that in years past, when I think I would have had much to write on a blog, it hadn't yet been invented. Now, it's here, I have a blog, and I have nothing to write! You see, my mind is in a sort of a brain-freeze mode. It's like I've fallen on my head and can't get up! Has anyone else ever had this experience? You know, life can be just a bit too painful to be able to function normally. All is not hopeless though as I can still laugh and joke around a bit. Send me your jokes please! In fact, I'll tell you one I heard recently. Stop me if you've heard this one.

A very shy man was smitten by a young woman. Because he was so shy he could not bring himself to tell her his true feelings, even though it seemed she liked him also. He decided to send her an anonymous love letter every day in the mail. Every day he wrote loving, devoted, passionate letters to her, expressing his true feelings without reserve. After a year, he decided he felt brave enough to speak to her, telling her his feelings. When he arrived at her home, he was flabbergasted to discover she had gotten married! And her husband? He was the postman.